Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
