i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
