yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
