The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
