i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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