i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
