It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
