The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
