she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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