Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
