im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
