Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
