if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
