i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
