Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
