...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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