Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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