The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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