you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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