4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize