I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
