I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
