Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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