have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
