Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
