The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
