question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
