I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
