you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
