Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
