This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it glows. i had to have it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
