Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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