i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
