My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
