My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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