Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just found puke in my bra..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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