You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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