I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
