hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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