Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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