i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
