i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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