Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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