I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
