Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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