Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
