took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
