so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
