If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize