Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
