So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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