i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
