Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
