whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
