let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
