dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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