He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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