Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
