Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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