yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
