Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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