Little spoons don't ask big questions
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
