i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize