You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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