I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
