Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
